Fear of the Future

I

As I have shared in the past, the period between August 2019 through February 2021 brought with it significant personal pain and loss.

What I have not shared is that it also injected me with a profound fear of the future. The extended period of deep pain and loss shook me to my core.

Some context: I was raised in a warm, supportive and loving home by two amazing parents. They infused me with a very healthy dose of confidence - a deep belief that I could accomplish whatever I set my mind to. They also developed in me a strong faith. This combination of unshakable self-confidence and faith have always been a part of me.

Even though I had previously faced very difficult moments, this recent period almost broke my confidence. As my confidence disappeared, fear filled the void.

Fear has dictated my thoughts, behavior, and how I see the future. Things I would have done without thinking twice, now seem impossible, too dangerous, too risky. Fear has transformed how I live - converting zeal, gusto, high-energy and intensity to smallness, intimidation, submission to improbable fears, and avoiding the slightest sign of risk.

I am convinced my faith has been carrying me through this critical period, ceaselessly fighting back fear’s invasion.

II

At a recent dinner with two close friends, one shared a somewhat similar fear of the future. Since that time, I have serendipitously come across a few things that brought perspective.

I offer them here for a few reasons: First, to remind myself to embrace the grandeur of life. That I would rather die with memories than dreams, and what is coming for me (good or bad) is coming for me, regardless what I do. Second, to further remind myself that, other than preparing psychologically (self-awareness, resilience, spirituality), physically (strength, flexibility, diet) and financially (living below my means, saving, diversifying my income), there is little more I could do to prepare for a surprise event. Third, to avoid the hubris of the past, and balance my future self-confidence. Finally, to invite anyone feeling this way to step outside their fear with us.

Here’s what I stumbled across.

May it serve you.

III

From Lao-tzu’s Tao Te Ching by Stephen Mitchell

IV

V

Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand.

Psalm 37

VI

Remember a difficult moment or failure in your life.

Did any good come of it?